The constant demon

I have struggles with depression since I can remember. I was 25 when I was first “diagnosed”, but remember always having that feeling. The anxiety came a little later, but that is a whole other story. Anyway, I was going through a divorce. I was young, my husband much older. He could afford a lawyer, as I could not. He tried to take my daughter away. Then it started… the deep feeling of sorrow. Everything felt cold, dark. I remember people telling me to snap out of it, get over it. It wasn’t until years later, during a complete mental breakdown, that i realized people who haven’t experianced it have no way of understanding it. Most people thought i was just being a witch with a capital B, or I was seeking attention. I thought they were right. Feeling so deep in the hole was the worst thing I have ever experianced. 10 years later I would experiance worse. My second divorce, he cut me off from his kids, the only mom they had known for 3 years. At that point I felt I wasn’t good enough. I felt everyone, including my children, would be better off if I wasn’t even there. That lasted for 1 year. THAT was the worst thing I had ever experianced. I remember being on so much medication, I couldnt function. I couldnt work, i couldn’t parent. Why I was on 4 different medications I didnt question for years later. I get the need for certain ones, I will forever be in an anti depressant. But anti depressants, anti anxiety, anti psychotics, sleep meds…. lord I was a walking pharmacy. Luckily I have found the proper 1 now, and had a doctor who supported me stopping the others. If you are a walking zombie, something is wrong. We need to be able to function, we need to be able to live a senior normal life like everyone else. I still have episodes… especially of I forget to take my meds. It’s that feeling of dread, blackness, and sadness. A feeling you just cant expain to anyone. But now I realize that I need to live, I have the right to live a normal life, without all of the darkness. Is it a struggle every day? Of course it is, but its possible. I will just continue to believe in the possible. Blog ya later 🤘

Super glue moms

Stay at moms dint have it as easy as most people think. I didnt become a SAHM until my youngest was born. I worked full time for almost 20 years before that, most of that time a single mom of 2. That was a non stop process. Being a stay at home is just as non stop. I also babysit during the week for a few friends, so I always have littles. Then there is the house work, laundry, driving to and from school, lunch prepping, animal wrangling lol. I definatly have a beer perspective for both types of moms. Whether you stay at home, or work full time, being mom is just non stop. I get up an hour earlier then I need to be in the morning just so I can have an hour of quiet to go with my coffee. The need for a routine is a must in my house, especially with a child with Autism. You break that routine and it makes for an extreamly difficult day for both of you. If I wake him up 30 minutes too late, then I just make the day harder on himself, his teacher, his TA’s, not to mention myself. So I give props to all of us moms, whether we stay home, work, have 1 kid or 5. We are the glue. Blog ya later!!🤟

Let the journey begin…

My name is Melissa. I am a mom of 3 and wife of a retired marine. My children are ages 25, 19, and 8. You could say I’ve seen a lot when it comes to my kids. All 3 are so very different. One is a musician, 1 is in college studying forensic science, and 1 has Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. I have been married for 8 years, 6 of those spent away from my husband while he was stationed in California. Raising 3 kids, one in the spectrum, was challenging. Who am I kidding, it’s still challenging. I am doing the best I can, and I treasure every moment. I have a great support system among friends, and it takes a village right?? Anyways, i have always wanted to blog, but wondered if i had enough to offer… guess we will find out!! Cant wait to take this journey with yall!! Blog ya later!! 🤟